Alan Jumped the Line

Dan was #1, Dennis was #2, Alan was #3...HOWEVER, Alan wanted to go first and did so, which confused Dennis by bumping him down to #3 when he thought he was going second; Dan didn't seem to care as he didn't know where he was on the list anyway. Gosh.

I don't have a lot of time today, so this will be short.

Kathy McCabe bravely returned and brought a poem about daughters-in-law which I particularly related to. It was "powerful", "universal", "accessible." Excellent theme and some great phrasing. The "but" is that it sounded like a poem a prose writer might write and the group suggested trimming. I hope she does that and returns with it, as it has great potential.

Dan did a terrific job on his Orpheus poem. Excellent rhyming and cadence. We all seemed to like Philomena's Inadequacies (Anxieties?) - tribulations of one person in the dark, all is failing, geraniums dying. Interesting. Stacie's poem was, well...short. Mimi made a good point about the efficacy of one word sometimes, in this case "that". In Art's poem it was "here" in the line that hung the poem together "I'm the king of this here stump!" One word makes all the difference.

Tim's California Burnings... was distinguished by its compactness, lack of usual repetition. Of course it also almost started WWIII when I opined that I did not see a logical transition (in the text) from racial to sexual discrimination and everyone went off the deep end. Talk about hot buttons. Fortunately Alan was able to interpret for me before I was crucified by the mob.

There were a couple of election related works: Edie's was a jubilant rant and Mimi's very thoughtful - how the click of the lever resounded though America, bringing tears as well as elation. Speaking of elation, this is the time to mention that one of our dear Quakers (who shall remain nameless at his request) was not only euphoric, but downright inebriated on election night. As were we all, I think, on one spirit or another.

Tom numbered his lines, which I considered an excellent trick, and Edie observed was like a Senate bill. Very handy tool for critiquing, although not much critique was forthcoming. Good poem. Tom, btw, I see that you responded to some of the suggestions about Ars Poetica. I like the revision.

I can't find Paul's poem, so I will not comment, except to say that he made sure not to sit to my right again.

I'm not forgetting Poet's #2(3)'s Sunday Morning Love Poem, of which I have no criticism. Liked every line of it - "who will walk with me when no one's left to walk" begins the last verse - "what will i sing then, soiled and breathless?" Good stuff, even the loo line. Also loved Art's remark about the monkey mind getting in the way of the heart.

Mark and I did not have poems and we winged through the other 10 of us at such a good clip we were comfortably finished by 9. I glimpsed Saul Abrams arriving at the end of the meeting, but whether all went eating and drinking I have no idea as I went home.

We will not meet again until December 11. Anyone for a turkey poem?